Xtra Normal

A little dumb fun with the web toys at www.xtranormal.com

Marriage Song for Husbands

One of my all time Favorites

Video Credits

I was so excited to post the video that I totally forgot the story. I have had this idea for a long time. I wanted to post something that would inspire my team to train in the off season, and still be .... well,,,, me.

I was talking to my friend Randy, who I go on missions trips with, and I told him about the idea. He is pretty good at filming (as you can see), and without hesitation told me, "I'm in. When do we start?"

From there, Randy did all the work and I did the riding, as you can see. I need to throw another shout out to my son Jordan. He served a vital role as "key grip," and was in charge of lighting and placement of disco glow.

Thanks guys. I really appreciate the help.

My Inspirational Workout Video

2009 Season Training Video

rob elliotts work out video from caveman on Vimeo.

My New Theme Song

Andrea showed me a very funny song I have to share. I am pretty sure this woman, Anita Renfroe, just copies my random thoughts!

This is my new theme song! I am going to think of this song every time I have a craving!!!

What if Starbucks Marketed Like the Church?

Andrea sent me this email this morning. It is a link to a very interesting video that really has me thinking.

You Know Your First Sermon was a Hit When..

..when you preach on the armor of God and your wife tells you, "that was the best teaching on the fruit of the spirit I ever heard."

A Counter Thought on Socialization

My wife has been pointing out how our children are socialized in her recent blogs, but after hearing my monkey say this, "I would check my email more... But I have K'nex to build," I am not so sure

I gots da Gimmies

I had a very depressing meeting with the doctor this week. I have a feeling that it might even get worse. When that happens I get down. The first thing I do when I get down is head to McDonald's for one or two of these tasty Egg McMuffins.

Because this depressing news has to do with my weight I will need to head off the Casual Male XL for new clothes to fit, as most of mine are getting too tight. Of course this is depressing, too so I need to go eat a sensible lunch at my favorite restaurant Cafe Sushi where I can enjoy some fine dining.

Since I am getting so fat, and nothing seems to stop it, I will need to upgrade my mountain bike to one of these just to hold my weight. Most bikes are built for an average 200lb rider for everyday cross country, so that means my current bikes will crumble under my size. It will be depressing to ride a near 40 pound bike through the trail, but it is what I deserve in my current state. The problem here is that no companies make mountain bike clothes in my size, so I will be forced to wear Vanilla Ice Jumpers.

Unfortunately I may just be too fat to ride, and will have to increase my XBOX time, so I might as well get this new TV from Best Buy. If I am diabetic I will have to cut back on Culvers.

Of course I will have to change my eating habits, so I will go back to the McDougall Diet. Or I may have to join Jenny Craig. Maybe I will have to join Bally's. If so, I will need a heart rate monitor so I stay in my target zones. I hope I don't over do it. I might need to get some home fitness stuff as well.

While I sat here typing this my problem became painfully obvious as my dog peed on the floor. While cleaning it I had a hard time bending over and ripped my pajama pants. I will have to get a new pair of those now.

Man, this is a depressing and expensive post. Can't I go to the doctor and get some good news for a change???

I'm Really Smart!

Even with my wife looking over my shoulder and looking as beautiful as she does I managed not to be distracted.  I focused and am happy to report I know something!

 

You know the Bible 100%!

 

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

I am Smart???

 

are you smarter than a fifth grader? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

I must not be because I can't get my answers to show!!!  Oh, wait...  Yeah I finally did it!

 

 

You are 100% Smarter than a fifth grader.

 

You are smarter than a fifth grader. no doubt. There is no need for you to retake school. Keep on doing your brain excersise like sudokus and crossword puzzles, and you'll soon be smarter than a sixth grader! Good work!

are you smarter than a fifth grader?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

 

Uh Oh...

I think I have a problem.


Well, at least I can be sure of this:

Anywhere I go, no matter what I am doing, I WILL capture the moment AT ALL COSTS!!!

Guess who Threw Me a Welcome Party???

Guess who threw me a welcome party when we got home from Peru?

Amazing Chicken Mummy News!!!

Did you know that chicken mummies were even around in 18th century England?  Yeah, Andrea just told me they were in a Jane Austin book, Emma.  Apparently the chicken mummies return was what put her father over the edge and decided it would be good for her to marry Mr. Knightly and allow him to live in their the Woodhouse estate.  Those chicken mummies must have been just as pesky then as they are in my home...

How the Chicken Mummies Spent Their 4th of July

As you know, the chicken mummies and I have grown quite close over the last few months.  Well, last week they experienced their first 4th of July.  One morning while we were enjoying a delicious cup of Starbucks coffee together, Cleopatra asked me to look at something.  Apparently she had wandered to a station on her mini tv that was showing recaps of the Detroit fireworks.  Well, as we looked, the other three bandaged, headless roasters peered over my shoulder to see what we were looking at.  Two seconds later and the house was all in uproar.  There were bouncing fowl all agog, wanting to go to a fireworks display.  I got them to settle down and agreed that the next evening we would somehow see fireworks.

Well, the next morning came.  It was the 4th of July.  All I wanted to do was rest.  As you know we did a lot of work the previous week.  Today it was my day to rest.  Andrea got up first.  She made the coffee and had some time alone in the kitchen, so the chickens were a little out of spirits to start off the day.  I got up and Andrea addressed me with a "lets stay home today and not do anything".  It sounded good to me, but from atop the fridge I saw a box begin to open and a featherless wing moving from side to side as if to say, NO.  I told Andrea, that we will just see.

My dad called.  "What's on the cook tonight?"  As you know, my dad and I are into grilling.  We talked for a while and he told me that Uncle Randy was going to go to the Freedom Hill Fireworks.  Freedom Hill is really close to my house.  Great idea.  That's what we will do.

I mention it to Andrea after I got off the phone with dad.  She is not too thrilled.  From on the fridge came an angry bump.  Andrea looked around to see what t was, but then quickly went back to her business.  Lucky brake for me, her friend Terisa called.  She invited us to fireworks at her house.  I somehow manage to sign to her that we should go.  She agrees, and the family will go to their house at 8:00pm.  Great!  Now, how do I get the chickens into the van???



I typically sneak off to my room for about 10 minutes at a time to practice my bass.  Andrea went downstairs to work.  I took the mummies to my room and put them in my bass guitar bag.  They weren't too sure about this idea, but I explained to them that Terisa's son is a bass player and it would not seem odd for me to bring my bass to their house.  8:00pm comes and off we go. 

From here everything worked without a hitch, except that one time Jordan had the bb gun and thought he saw the mummies.....

What is on the top of my fridge???

If any of you have read my wife’s blog, you may know approximately one year ago she started out on a six week project to mummify chickens.  At first, I was a little apprehensive about the idea, thinking to myself it was kinda weird, but oh well, I am kinda weirder anyway.  Well, the first days were exciting.  The preparation of buying the chickens and the salt and stuff, the watching of Abbott and Costello movies where they meet the mummy, the actual learning of the process of mummification all added up to what may be an exciting project.  I could help out and keep a photo journal of the events.  This might not be a bad deal after all. 

 

Well, day one came and the process of mummification began.  It was interesting.  The kids were into it as they began cleaning the chickens.  The chickens were very quiet and did just what they were supposed to do.  Then it happened….   “Where do we put them?” was the question.  Mom decided they would do best up on top of the refrigerator.  Down go my pretzels and chips and up go the drying chickens.

This was okay at first.  The chickens seemed to like being out of the fridge and not in the oven.  The kids would check on them from time to time.  I guess everything was fine until we had our first guests over in a while.   “What is that up on top of your fridge, Rob?” asked my buddy.  “Ummmmm, uh chicken mummies” was my reply.  I could tell there was something in the air, but my wife was able to talk about the great learning experience it had been to start this project and they had an excellent conversation as he is a Jr. High teacher.  I sat there, though, knowing this was going to be a looooonnnng project.

 Well, the chickens kept pretty quiet until one day in March.  I had risen early to check my email and have a cup of coffee in peace.  There I sat at the kitchen table alone in my thought, until a little wadded up piece of paper hit me in the head.  I saw no one nearby so I was very perplexed.  I opened the paper and read it.  Here is what it said:

 
“Dude, this project is only supposed to take like two months from start to finish and we have been sitting up here for like four.  Since you are just sitting up there and we are all stuck in these bags, can you grab us a cup of your Starbucks?

 

Sincerely,

The featherless union”

 

I knew at that moment that I was not alone.  I knew at that moment that I was being watched, and that dark forces were at work in my home.  I knew at that moment that there was a problem on top of my fridge.

 Well, after a few days like this I just began making more coffee and leaving a cup on the fridge and getting it down without the wife and kids seeing what was going on.  Things were going along fine.  I would on occasion get a note asking for more cream or sugar in the next cup, but nothing out of the ordinary.  It seemed the featherless union and I were going to get along like this ok.  Then, I got the first demand:

 
“Ok, you gotta tell your wife to step this up a bit.  We were supposed to be gone months ago.  If we are gonna sit up here in salt forever, you have to come up with a little entertainment.  Here is what we want:

• 4 of these cradles


• 1 Portable dvd player


• 1 Helicopter


• And a bag of pork rinds

 

The Featherless Union”

 
I thought these were odd requests.  What were they going to do with all of those things?  How was I going to get them?  I couldn’t tell the wife what was going on, so I had to proceed with caution.  Fortunately, these items were easy to slip into the house unnoticed as we have many going in and out on a regular basis. 

Well, things started to get a little weird around here in the evenings.  First, our new dog, Faith couldn’t sleep.  She would start barking over nothing and then start a small commotion.  Nathan finally started putting her in the crate at night if she kept him awake.  The problem was that she was now closer to the action.  This didn’t do too well.  None of us were able to get sleep.

Then around April, things got worse.  The Union, as they like to call themselves, started pacing the halls at night.  We would hear things, and they would wake us up.  Andrea would groggily ask me if I heard mice, but I was not able to confirm what I knew to be going on.  The chickens were playing Xbox, running the halls, knocking on doors and purposely waking the puppy.

 I woke early one morning to meet with the union over a cup of coffee. Instead of putting the coffee on the fridge I sat the extra cup right across from me at the table.  Four salty bags began to make their descent from the fridge to the table to join me.  Four bags popped open and four straws slid out.  I could barely make out the shapes of their wings moving in the bags to get ready for their morning coffee.  We sat for a few minutes in silence.  I am not sure any of us knew what to do next.  Eventually, I took the sip that gave me the courage to speak.

 
“Ok guys, I can tell you are frustrated.”

 “Frustrated, we can hardly breathe.  We are sitting up here sweating our feathers off in bags of salt.  Don’t you know we would have been much happier if you cooked us on your Primo Grill?”

 “Yeah” piped in another one, I believe it was Cluckenhamen.  “This is really getting old.  We expected to do something noble, and sitting in salt is not it.”

 “What do you want me to do?”

 “We are not sure.  Can you come and at least hang out with us at night?  It will help pass the time, and give us some meaning for our existence.”

 “Well, I need my sleep.”

 “We will get worse if you don’t.”

 “OK”

 

Things went along fine for the next few weeks, but my wife noticed I was getting tired.  “You are sleeping in a lot, honey.  I am afraid because you have been late for work.”

 
“I will try to get up earlier.”

 
Finally, I ran out of grace for this and began sleeping normal hours again.  Fortunately for me this was good timing because my wife and kids finally checked the chickens and found they were ready to be mummified.  That was in early May.  The kids wrapped them up and made a little video.
 

Now I noticed four boxes with mummified chickens inside sitting on top of my fridge.  Things went along fine, but I made a critical mistake.  I threw out all the toys I bought them over the last year.  It was not days before they were up at night making mischief.  They have riled up the little dog nightly and now they have gotten to our older dog, Daisy.  She is up nightly, whining at the top of her lungs.  I know the cause, but until now have not been able to speak about it.

Last night Daisy had to sleep with us.  She was too scared at night anymore.  Then it happened…  I heard the sound of four small peg-legged pirates grabbing her and taking her into the family room.  This was followed by a spit wad hitting me in the eye.  I looked up and saw four tiny figures waddling out of my room with the dog.

I wiped the sleep form my eyes and followed them into the family room.  They asked me to sit down quietly as they had something on their minds. 

“Rob, you have been good to us, but you gotta understand something.  We are chickens.  We never signed up for this.  We were raised in a farm to produce eggs and become dinner.  We know this.  We never wanted anything else.  These jewels are not us.  The closest thing to what we wanted was when the kids put salt and spices on us.”

“Please look at us.  Jewels and bandaids don’t belong on chickens.  Now look at the fridge.  What do you see?”

“I see a fridge that needs some food???”  Said I, unsure of what they were getting at, and still half asleep.

“No, look at those four boxes.  Look at that lonely space.  That is not a fridge to us, it is a prison. We don’t want to cause you any trouble, but we may be forced to take drastic measures.  Now, if you don’t want to have “Why did the chicken cross the road” jokes painted on your hallway walls, or see rubber chickens hanging from your rearview mirrors, please ask your wife to end this experiment!!!”

I assured the chickens I would do all that is in my power to help them.

Honey, can we end the experiment now, it has been a long time and the chickens are tired…

Why Being Overweight is Expensive

I have been overweight for the last few years.  I am not going to get into how or why it happened, but I am now faced with some more serious garbage because of it, and must deal with it.  I don't want to get into that either.  Man, this post is getting depressing and it was intended to be funny......

Anywho, being overweight, I have noticed a lot of things that are costly. 

1. They don't have my sizes at Steve and Barry's.  Come on, they don't even have a Steve and Barry's Plus!  What's up with that?  The closest I can come is Casual Male XL.  Like what's wrong with this picture, I gotta pay 34 bucks for a pair of cargo pants there when I have to pay 9 at Steve and Barry's?  Give me a stinkin break, I am not causing a shortage of fabric in the world!

2. Belts.  Another thing you have to go to a tall and fat store for.  Another thing you pay through the nose for, too!  What, does it take two cows to make my belts?  Are they lined with steel reinforcement?

3. Vehicles.  Yeah, that's right.  I can't fit in one of those econo gas things.  NOOOOO, give the fat guy a gas guzzler.  Why are cars engineered to be more economic also engineered for people under 5' tall and 2' wide?

4. Mountain bikes.  My passion.  I was sitting outside yesterday putting on new tires and I started thinking.  I have never worn out a set of tire treads, but I wear out the sidewalls.  Get a fat guy going forty around a corner and the tires want to peel off the rims sideways. So, lets see, that has been about 200 in rubber in the last three years.  Ridiculous!  But, I can run downhill tires at 50 bucks a piece and also add 10 pounds to my bike, thus making me slower and more tired and unable to ride and lose my desire to exercise....

4a. Not to mention as I am changing tires I notice I blew out another spoke.  That makes ten spokes since I got this bike.  Ok, go back to 4.  Buy new DH rims that ill hold my fat carcass and then add another 5 pounds to the bike thus......

5. Discounts at the butcher.  But, "Rob, you are saving money", you say.  WRONG.  The butcher sees a fat guy coming in for a piece of meat to grill and he discounts it, knowing the fat guy will buy half a cow if the price is better, thus making him even fatter!

Well, I have to stop my rant.  I need to get ready for work.

Next post I will tell you what is on top of my fridge...

Mish Mash

I have been running like a chicken with its head cut off for quite some time now.  I know what a chicken with its head cut off runs like as my wife has four of them mummified on our fridge right now, but that is another story.  I have been running and learning some valuable lessons.  This post is going to be a mishmash of those lessons.

Scot Somerville posted a blog on the K-Dad network about a guy using scripture to defend his decision not to homeschool. 

http://www.k-dad.net/blog/_archives/2007/5/5/2927271.html

He followed that up with points on where he agreed and disagreed with this guy.

http://www.k-dad.net/blog/_archives/2007/5/5/2927633.html

http://www.k-dad.net/blog/_archives/2007/5/7/2930974.html

On his points of agreeing with the writer, I have to say I agreed with him.  Scot made mention of how some who homeschool have made homeschooling their gospel.  I have seen this in my local circles.

I have also been working as a sales representative for Linde Gas the last three years.  I do no fit the mold of a salesman, and do not fit the corporate lifestyle.  Somehow, though, I hit a rare honor to finish a sales quarter as number 1.  I have noticed that two things have happened in my life regarding this:

1. I find myself bleeding Linde blue.

2. I find myself coasting on my achievements.

We have been working on different projects at the church.  They range from VBS, Hope for Warren/Detroit, Youth Outreach, Missions to Detroit, Missions to Peru, outdoor gardening, indoor rebuilding the sanctuary, and a winter retreat on top of our regular duties as youth pastors and running the youth and children’s ministries.  I love this part of the year in our church.  I love to do the work of the kingdom and partner with others who do as well.

I would like to take a minute to stop my thoughts to tell you all how proud of my kids (and my very close friends the Sawicki’s kids, too) I am.  My daughters and Kalene worked very hard to make the garden beds at the church look nice on the outside, while my boys, and Richie worked like crazy tearing the sanctuary apart to get it ready for the new carpet.

Okay, back to the thought in the previous paragraph.  I love to do this work, but I notice there are only a select few who regularly put their hand to the plow.  It was great to see a new generation of workers, though.

I have also been working on websites.  I have been working on our church site, www.lhcf.net the Institute for Black Family Development www.ifbfd.org and Missions Without Borders www.missions-without-borders.com as well as trying to recreate my youth community site at www.mtbmichigan.com . 

As you know I got a bass guitar.  I have time to practice only two times a week as I am never home.

I am an avid biker.  Yeah right.  I have only been on the trails three times this year.  No wonder I am overweight.

I have been grilling like mad over the last several months.  This is partly because I like it, and partly because we have been so busy that I have been helping with the cooking.

What does all this mean?  I will try to sum up the lessons learned. 

1. Idols are everywhere.  We tend to place so many things in front of the true work of the kingdom.  Some do it in a “godly way” but miss God for their own small vision lining what they want as gospel.  Some don’t even know they have things out of perspective.  I am guilty of this.  Some hide behind idols of some things, though they may be called of God to actually do them.  Some don’t even realize when they are getting pulled away.  Some of us drink the corporate “kool aide” and don’t even notice.  I am called to work.  I am not called to get self righteous in my work.

2. There is a ton of work needed to reach the lost.  It was great to see a second generation of workers.  It is important to impart t our children the value of practice as well as knowledge.  If we just teach them the Bible, but don’t let them get their hands dirty, we are missing something.

3. Websites are a lot of work.

4. Rob, did you ever hear of the word MARGIN?????  For cryin’ out loud, I have been running too much!  I have little to no time to take care of my needs.  I can see how my wife feels.  She has worked endlessly for far too long.  I think we should take a vacation.  BTW, just to throw in a quick note, my wife is gorgeous and I am the luckiest guy in the whole world.
   

5. On that margin note, I am also in desparate need of time alone with our Father.  Working like crazy, even if it is for the kingdom, can become empty if you are empty.  Margin with Dad is necessary.