Another Tag

I was tagged by Christina.

1. what is your favorite color?

Blue, Silver, Black

2. what is your favorite food?

Oh boy, food.  My favorite!

3. what is your favorite clothes store?

I don't like clothes stores.

4. what have you eaten today?

Coffee

5. who are your heroes?

Too many to list.

6. what is your middle name?

Charles

7. what is/are your pet peevs?

Moving my tools around my garage. (Other people that is)

8. what was the saddest day of your life? happiest?

Saddest hasn't hapened yet.  Happiest?  There have been 6 or more.  Being found by Jesus, wedding, Nathan's, Jordan's, Ally's, and Kitty's Bday.

9. what is the most necessary accessorie? (sorry about my spelling!) ex purse, jewerly?

MAN PURSE

10. who is your favorite actor/actress?
I don't know, probably Gene Kelly.

11. what is your favorite drink? cola, water??

Mr. Pibb

12. do you like school?

Depends

13. what is your favorite subject?

Food

14. are you annoyed with how long this quiz is?
Absolutely

Dealing with Daggers

If you have been reading my blog
lately you know I have been taking a look at my life, trying to learn from
it, and trying to move forward with my family.  I have been looking
at my upbringing and typical parenting things, and trying to change things
in my parenting style.  Well something got me thinking about external
issues from outside family and how to deal with them.  I am also wondering
what role this issue will play in my family and its future.


I noticed I have had a lot of daggers
stuck in my back over the years.  This epiphany came as I was working
through pulling several recent daggers out.  I was in a conversation
the other day where I realized I was having a "discussion" with a person
over some semantics of a conversation I had with them before.  The
problem was I NEVER had this discussion with this person.  This conversation
had nothing to do with the person I was talking to at all.  It came
to me that I was getting yelled at over a conversation that another friend
talked about behind my back.


Like any person, this bothered
me greatly.  According to Scripture I know I need to forgive, and,
since I have been forgiven so much, I am working through it.  I must
admit it is tough, though.  But, in looking at it from a higher perspective,
I see this is something I have been plagued with through all my life.  Over
the years I have been accused for a number of things.  In my history
many of these things have been false accusations.  There have been
times I was vindicated after the fact, but I have had to go through it
just the same.  I have also just plainly been stabbed in the back
by other methods.  Friends talking about me have stabbed me in the
back.  Trying to help has gotten me stabbed in the back where I have
been involved with projects that others have held up.  Unfortunately,
I could go on.  


I am also watching this false accusation
issue happen with another of my friends.  I have known this friend
for a long time, and am so frustrated on his behalf.  I know, in the
end, the whole mess will be straightened out, but watching him have to
deal with this simple misunderstanding turned mountain is so irritating.
 Of course, back to Scripture we have to go.  The Bible says
these kinds of things are going to happen, and gives us instruction on
how to deal with them.


Okay, so I have to look forward.
 As you know I am looking for things in my life that I have let in,
and dealing with them both in my life, and in the lives of my wife and
children.  This is part of my quest to raise a Godly family.  I
am not sure where to go on this as a father.  It is obvious that the
Lord is showing me something, and bringing this issue to the front for
a reason.  As a father I see my kids coming to the age where we will
have to deal with offense.  I wonder if this is coming to the front
because I will have to see my kids stabbed in the back as I have been,
and I wonder if I can teach them to walk uprightly with the Lord where
I have not in the past.  I wonder if I had to get stabbed in the back
again to take a critical look at if I can handle walking uprightly with
the Lord myself so I can teach the kids.  I am hoping that I only
had to go through this the last time so the Lord can say, "son, I am going
to spare you from watching your kids go through this."

I am hoping I can beg the Lord
to let this be the case.

Notes From Communicating What You Believe

I really appreciate the time taken by the men to discuss this matter here.  I feel the need to bare some weakness in the hopes of becoming a better father, and the input given has been very helpful. 

Steve Walden took the time to follow up twice on my original post. Here is the Second Article.

I really don't have much of a response to this article other than to totaly agree wth it.  I have been praying about this very thing:  Being a Pharisee, being a dog trainer, or being a father and a pastor.

Being a Pharisee.  I think that is a trap many of us fall into.  It is easy to 

compromise for ourselves.  It is interesting what Jesus says about them in Matthew 23:3.  He basically says do what they tell you.  They have good teaching.  Then He goes a little further and points out what Steve did in his point #1. 

Being a dog trainer.  This is where I am at my weakest in the home. It is easy to "ark out" the rule.  Wait, that would make you the dog, wouldn't it?  Anyway, it is easy to throw the rule out to the child.  It is harder to teach the child to follow the rule.  It is hardest to teach the child the rule, the importance of it, and the Father behind it.  I teach my family the father, but am weakest in this area.  Again, I am puting together a plan based on the advice of the men who have taken their time to share.

Finally, being a father and a pastor.  I am both.  I was always both.  I am going to always be both.  I just think I missed the connection here.  I have been a father in the home, and a pastor to my youth ministry.  I need to walk in both simultaneously.  Funny, with my 8Mile youth I can father and pastor.  I need to work on this in the home.  I think this is a problem for many men.  Work is something men can create an identity and be different in.  Home is where you go when you are tired and can't walk in the identity anymore.  I just need to slow down and relax on the work end, and be who I am.

Notes From Becoming a Genuine Father

Steve Walden wrote a reply to my earlier post Fathers and Families.  Here is his reply.

I read this reply and took a deeper look at things.  Being a son of a good, fire fighter dad made quality family time tough.  It is funny, I can draw some parallels between his job and his fathering style.  I am not finding fault with him in any way.  I want to make sure that is known.  I am learning from where I am plain and simple.

I look at how I was raised, and was raised with a lot of freedom, and a lot of discipline.  I was not raised with a lot of communication.  Communication was used as a tool to put out fires.  It was sprayed as needed over the parts needing the most attention.  There was always a sense of urgency and tension when it was used (as in fighting a fire).  It was also not used more than needed.  This was in everything from correctiona nd discipline to joking around. 

I know there is freedom from generational sin.  I have seen that.  I know there is also a way to learn to better communicate.  You wrote of your fathers' promise never to fall into some things, and I have been similar in my parenting (in making promises that I would change certain things).  I am very involved with my kids.  I love them and do spend a lot of time with them.  I talk a lot with them and do listen to them.  That being said, I feel like I miss a lot in the area of developing their Godly character and discipline, and "parental" issues.

As I wrote in my response to Scott Somerville, I am in need of spending time with my "DAD" more.  In this area, I relate to my children how I was related to on earth.  I see the need to create a better devotional time for this purpose.  It is funny and embarrassing that I can be a better father to my youth ministry in the area of correction than I can in the home.  This, as it is unfolding, seems to be because my focus is evangellizing and reaching my youth in the 8Mile area. 

More Fathers and Families Learning

I appreciate the gentlemen who have
taken time to share their hearts with my previous post.  I see
something I would like to incorporate in my family, and hope these
post conversations help more than just me.  I plan to answer
each of the replies and posts, but have just returned from a youth
camp, so I will start with the comment from Scott Somerville.

Scott
Wrote:
"I don't have any overarching
answers, RC, but here's a question. Do you have times with God that
change the way you think? If you do, does that change the way you
talk?

I've noticed that when I
get something fresh from God, it bubbles up all day long. It's on my
mind, and it's what I talk about. ("Out of the heart the mouth
speaks," as Jesus observed.)

A
lot of us dads are so busy we short-change our times with God. For
years I would get up and out the door and then pray as I drove to
work. That was a good effort, but it meant I was always telling God
what was on my mind, without giving Him much of an opportunity to
CHANGE what was on my mind. When I finally made time to dig into the
Word BEFORE I got in the car, my whole devotional experience was
different."

Do I have times with God that change
the way I think?  Yes and No.  I am a "traveling"
salesman, so I send a lot of time on the road.  I try to put in
some quality prayer time on the road.  I am also always looking
for Him in a lot of other areas, but, unfortunately, only some of
which are study.

I am starting to sound like your exerience. 
I used to have a good devotional time, and got busy.  I really
got busy int he last two years.  I moved into the corporate
life, and I moved into the youth pastor position at my church. 
I spend time in the word, but it is usually for "giing out"
with the youth of South Warren and Detroit.  I am focused on
building something in them. 

I am also distracted in
this area from corporate life.  These guys live, eat and breathe
Linde Gas.  In order to be successful here, I must do the same
to some extent.  Longer hours, blah, blah, blah.

So, in
reading your post,  stand convicted that I need to take the time
to refresh myself in the word, not just for prep and trying to
effectively minister to my youth in the church.

I also see, in
writing this, that I need to tune in more to my family.  I can
tell you a lot about where I minister.  I am part of a rare
church bridging the gap ethnically, and socio-economically.  In
years to come, I will be one of the people writing the books about
effectively ministering to the "other".  This is true
about understanding my family, but not the next step. 
Connecting. 

Connecting is where the original post came
from.  There is a lot of history that can be written about the
generations over the last 100 years and the cause of the weakness of
connection with the family, and, as you can see, I am at no loss for
words in writing about my own experiences.  I am effective in
connecting to my 8Mile youth.  I ave a heart and a sensitivity
for them.  I have a heart for my own youth in my house, but
connecting with them, other than being dad the jungle-jim is my
weakness.

Here I stand convicted by your post again.  I
take the time to study and reach my 8Mile youth, and I need to study
my own youth a little more.

Thank you Scott.  Can you
have a seminar here in MI?

I will get to the other comments in the next two days.  I have to sleep for church, and have to shoot pictures for a church in the inner city tomorrow.