Well, We Tried Hunting

Jordan, my younger son, is notorious for wanting to do things at the last minute. For example, one year, the day after the 4th of July, he wanted to go and buy fireworks. He is also notorious for not investigating things well. I say these things not to draw you to bad conclusions, but to help you enjoy the mind of a thirteen year old boy.

For several years we were into Scouting. He was the one who was really into the outdoors. Nathan, my oldest, liked the outdoors, but not as much as Jordan. This could be because we found Jordan as a baby swinging from tree to tree when we decided to take him home. Anyway, Jordan loves the outdoors.

Scouting took on the progression to shooting things. Jordan has built an arsenal of K'Nex guns, including semi automatics, shot guns, pistols, rifles, and even a potato gun and hand grenades (the potato gun is pvc, and the hand grenades are K'Nex). When he is up north he can be found searching for the perfect branch with which to make a bow and arrow set.

Well, it came... The time when all men who crave meat go out into the woods in search of big game... That time when mankind pretends to be a tree, sits totally still, thinks animal thoughts, wears clothes that make him look like the jolly green giant, sprays himself with deer urine spray to smell like the wild, doesn't shave, doesn't wear deodorant, doesn't change his clothes for days, moves through the woods like a silent ninja, carries lethal weapons, lives on beef jerkey,... I think you get the idea. Hunting season came. Yes hunting season came and Jordan wanted to go. Well, he doesn't have a license, has very little time shooting, doesn't have the appropriate clothes, pretty much is totally unprepared, except he has an unrelenting desire to join the ranks of the nature loving big game hunters.

What does that mean? That means dad has to do research, go to hunting stores, buy tons of stuff, get apprentice licenses, make more trips to the store to buy hunting gear, blow his shopping budget, blow his Ray's MTB budget, blow his Christmas budget, and every other budget, remember how to hunt, find out where we can hunt, drive up north, and a host of other things to be ready for bow season. Wait, BOW season??? Jordan wanted to start the year off with bow hunting 3/4 of the way through the season, AND he wanted to do rifle season, and muzzle loader season. Good thing he waited until late October to tell me...

Ok, all of the research is finally done. Jordan is totally excited. He can't wait to do this. He is sitting on the XBOX 360 playing Alaskan Adventure. I watch his hunting technique... Run through the woods, chase an animal. Shoot relentlessly until you expire all of your ammo... Oh no, this is going to be a long adventure for us. I sit him down to explain how to hunt, or at least how we will be hunting. We will be sitting quietly in the woods in a deer blind. Enter Nathan... Why does the talkative kid enter here? I don't know, but this is where he entered. "Dad, I have always wanted to hunt, but you always said no. I just abandoned ever going hunting because you didn't want to. Now that you are going, can I come, too?"

Oh boy. Here we go. This is going to be a true adventure. "Ok, boys, call grandpa and see if we can hunt on his property."

How do I deal with this? I know, Youtube! They have videos of everything! I will show them some clips of hunting and the mess of shooting a deer. I will show them field dressing video clips. They might not want to go after that... See, the reality here is I used to be a hunter, but I can't bring myself to actually shooting something, though I am a good shot.

"Boys, come over here and watch this clip."

"Aww cool!!!! Thanks dad, now we can't wait to go hunting!!!"

Something tells me that idea backfired...

Let's fastforward to the big day. We are on the road enjoying every memory I had of hunting with my dad when I was a kid. Our jaws are sore from the famous Narski's beef jerkey. I use this as my dad used it. I used this as an intentional way to tire my kids talkative jaws so they wouldn't talk the deer to death the next day.

4:00am opening day. The boys are already up and dressed in their hunting gear. I pack them and the gear up and take them to our hunting blind. It is very dark. We get into our blind and set up. Then we wait. And we wait. We wait some more. The sun finally rises. The woods are teeming with wildlife. "Dad, look over there in the trees. It's a white moose!" "I think I see something!"

I politely remind them to be quiet. This works for the rest of the morning. We headed back to my parents for a quick lunch, then back to the blind. We saw some tracks so we must have just missed the deer...

Back into the blind and the conclusion of the story. One boy sleeps the entire hunt from this point out, and the other talks the entire hunt from this point out..... One dad has to drive us home. What a good time with the boys. Exactly what I thought it would be, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.