Well, like many of you, I read the interview of Scott Somerville over at the TOSPUBLISHER page. I found it was very iteresting and had some bits of knowledge I can learn from. As I was reading it, I began to think of my family and my involvement in it . Not just the homeschooling area, thogh that was a big part of my thoughts, but who I am and why I parent the way I do. I thought I would take a little time exploring this here so maybe some of you could comment, and I can learn things I may need to at this point in my parenting.
First, let me say something about myself. I am 36, and married for nearly 15 years to my beautiful Andrea. We have four children, Nathan, Jordan, Allyson, and Kathryn. I love and adore my wife and family, and am typically an affectionate person. This is where I have to dig deeper and expose myself for the sake of learning.
I am one of those early GenX'ers. I came from a good family, but I think it is important to note that. This isn't a blog to bash my parents, or how I was raised, but one to look at how I can grow from where I am. There were some things in my life that I wish weren't there, but for the most part, I am a product of society in certain areas. I grew up in a home where I was given much freedom. The Gospel was put aside in our house when I was about ten. I was allowed to ride and hang out anywhere I wanted. I came home to check in, not to communicate.
Communication wasn't one of the strong points in my house growing up. From time to time we would talk, or joke, but we weren't deep. This was a rough area for me as I am a deep person who loves intamacy. Our house was a home where we showered and watched tv. We rarely ate dinner together after I was about ten. We would watch some tv together, but mostly, we would take turns watching whatever.
This might be how many of us were raised. GenX'ers raised from Boomer Me people. As I investigate myself, though, I find this is where a plug was pulled in my plugged in society. My wife will tell you I am a caring man. I am. I just can't get past the surface in certain areas though. I look at some of the fathers here and realize I am not doing all I can in the home. Though I am very outward in my focus, I find myself at a loss where home is concerned. I find this funny. I sell industrial gases, I am a youth pastor, and a chaplain in Boy Scouts.
I talk like crazy. I do talk a lot in the home, but I just don't seem to be that father I should be. I notice lately that I spit out that which has been put into me over the years. I will often entertain my kids and others. I was influenced by that whch I watched. I will either regurgitate a comedy bit from someone else, or adapt one of my own to get a laugh. This is rough for as I have much deeper inside myself that I don' know how to bring out in the home.
This is where I get into it. In the home I regurgitate rules and conformity. "You must behave like this", "you should know already how to act", these are how I was parented. I noticed this a few weeks ago when I was trying to show my oldest "why" I felt the way I did about something. "Do you understand?"
"Yeah, you don't want me to watch that movie."
This told me a lot about where I am missing the mark. I want to teach my kids to have convictions, but istead I teach them robotics. Move this way, act that way. This is where I read other men and their experiences, and I see myself missing it in the home, and possibly the ministry. This is where I look to you for help. I want to see my kids going deeper than te surface. I want them to know why they are who they are. I want them to see deeper. I want them to understand what the Father loves and hates so they might desire to please Him. I feel I have not put that in them to this point. I feel as though I put a lot of "if, then" rules into them, and taught them memorization of behavior regulations, not a passion to live a righteous life.
Any input would be very helpful.
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